Auctioning off naming rights to national landmarks offers a proactive, budget-neutral boost, echoing President Trump’s call to harness digital assets for American prosperity.
On March 6, 2025, President Donald J. Trump signed an Executive Order establishing the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve and U.S. Digital Asset Stockpile, a decisive step to make America the “crypto capital of the world,” as outlined in the White House Fact Sheet released today.
By designating Bitcoin (BTC) a reserve asset — initially funded with 88,000 BTC of forfeited holdings — the order charges the Secretaries of Treasury and Commerce with crafting budget-neutral strategies to acquire more, a move the U.S. deems necessary in its quest for global cryptocurrency dominance.
Enter an audacious yet practical idea: auctioning the naming rights to America’s natural wonders. Picture a “Tether Falls” cascading in Yellowstone, “Lake Binance” lapping where Michigan once stood, or the “Bitfinex Smoky Mountains” rising in Tennessee. This is not mere whimsy — it’s a market-driven path to amass Bitcoin, fulfilling the President’s vision with flair and fiscal discipline.
It is a blueprint that exists in sports. Naming rights have long turned stadiums into cash cows without diluting their purpose. The New York Mets’ 20-year, $400 million deal for Citi Field, initiated in 2009, remains the most significant, but the San Francisco Giants’ 2019 contract with Oracle Park is estimated to have an average annual value of $15 million. Additionally, the Texas Rangers’ deal for Globe Life Field in 2017 and the Houston Astros’ agreement for Daikin Park in 2024 are both believed to be generating at least $11 million annually.
If corporations pay top dollar to brand a ballpark or football stadium, why not a waterfall, national park, lake or forest? The White House’s mandate for cost-free innovation makes this a natural fit — transforming public landmarks into Bitcoin-neutral acquisition strategies outlined by the latest Executive Order.
Why stop at stadiums when America’s wild expanses beckon? Turn the Grand Canyon into the “Pump.fun Grand Abyss,” and crypto traders might bid a king’s ransom to see their favorite memecoin rebranded in Google maps. Rechristen Mount Rainier as “Robinhood Rainier” and watch blockchain pioneers scramble to claim its snowy crown. Even the Florida Keys could jangle as the “Chainlink Keys,” the Niagara Falls as “Pwease Falls”, alluring digital asset firms to splash digital gold on a tropical rebrand. These aren’t timid tweaks — they’re loud, proud crypto billboards, turning nature into a Bitcoin honeypot, all the while keeping taxpayers off the hook.
The numbers could be extraordinary. Suppose the renaming of Niagara Falls fetches $500 million over a century — a plausible sum given stadium precedents — and 50 other landmarks (lakes, national parks, ranges, rivers, gorges) average $100 million each. That’s $5.5 billion.
At Bitcoin’s current price of $90,000 per coin as of March 2025, this yields roughly 61,111 BTC. Push the envelope with blockbuster assets — say, the Gulf of Coinbase instead of the recently rebranded Gulf of America, or the “Gemini Grand Canyon” hitting $1 billion each — and the total could near 100,000 BTC over 100 years. These aren’t one-offs; re-auctioning every century, adjusted for inflation and Bitcoin’s trajectory, ensures a steady stream, aligning with the Executive Order’s long-term vision.
Critics might clutch their pearls at “Coinbase Falls,” decrying the loss of solemnity. But Fenway Park’s charm survives its branded roots, and Wrigley Field thrives despite its gum-inspired name. Public taste adapts — Crypto.com Arena’s rise in Los Angeles shows how fast acceptance follows audacity. Better yet, the windfall could fund conservation efforts, helping to minimize the burden of $3 billion dollar annual budget for the U.S. National Park Service, all in the spirit of the Department of Government Efficiency, in addition to the newly signed Executive Order.
The stakes could not be higher. The Fact Sheet laments $17 billion lost to premature Bitcoin sales, a lesson in the cost of inertia. With 21 million coins fixed forever, Bitcoin’s “digital gold” status demands action. The Executive Order centralizes forfeited holdings, but seizures alone won’t scale a world-leading reserve. Nor will adding to the Fed’s Bitcoin coffers while taking on additional government, which already stands at $36 trillion dollars (and counting).
Hence, naming rights offer a proactive, budget-neutral boost, echoing President Trump’s call to harness digital assets for prosperity without burdening the American public with additional debt.
Implementation needs grit. Auctions must be open and fierce, inviting bids from Coinbase to obscure meme-coin startups. No need for restraint — let “Polkadot Pikes Peak” or “XRP Yosemite” fly if the price is right. The Treasury could time Bitcoin buys to dodge volatility, as the Fact Sheet allows for savvy stewardship.
This isn’t about defacing nature — it’s about seizing a moment. Lake Michigan will still shimmer; the Mississippi River will still roar. The real prize is a bussin’ Bitcoin reserve, built without fiscal strain, proving America can lead the crypto charge with creativity and swagger. Whatever it takes, please.
